I know I should have posted more here, but I posted more on Medium instead. Mostly, I post short fiction. I wish I can post a longer one, but nothing comes to my mind.
Well, one of my stress sources is gone. My acne got treated. I don’t mind if it takes months. As long as it’s treated. I can’t eat some foods which unfortunately happens to be my favorites. Just my luck.
The announcement of scholarship is one month left.
For one week, I took charge of doing household as my mom left for Malang and Jakarta. This WAS the first time I cooked by myself. I know it’s exaggerating. But for me, untuk anak gadis yang manja dan selalu bangun kesiangan, it’s like doing something out of my comfort zone. LOL. When people do, like, ‘travelling’, ‘creating new things’, or ‘volunteering’ as their ‘out of comfort zone’ list, doing household is the only one on my list.
I think I should write in English more. Lately, I feel my writing is worse as well as my speaking. Indeed, I haven’t started my intense IELTS preparation yet. Doing this in Ramadhan maybe a good idea.
Last Saturday, finally I had my graduation ceremony. I won’t bother to share the pics here because I just feel reluctant to. Anyway, my brother came to ceremony and I feel grateful for that. Can’t ask more. Whatever, I am graduated.
In my first ‘jobless’ week, I am struggling to finish four remaining articles to translate. Something I wish will help me to purchase a new phone.
Recently I post my fictions in my medium. My mood just strike me to post some poems, short fictions and such. You may read it by yourself.
I am in the “I have to earn money but I don’t want to drag myself out of my house” phase. But, really, I want to be ‘useful’. So, I tried to learn some things; cooking, using microsoft access; translating and many more.
Recently, I updated my Linkedin. I was inferior at first looking at my former school friends, have been here and there, working in prestigious places. But, well, let’s see a CV as your record and motivation. Let it grows along with you achievement no matter how small it is.
I’ve sent the applications. Even though I always say, this is the year of trial, but I wish one of them is accepted. I’ve done my best and let God do the rest.
My breakout is worse. I stop eating instant noodles and go to sleep early. I stop using facial foams. I wish I didn’t care so I could get rid one of my stress source.
Anyway, it marks the second week I can’t use my phone.
In this blog or my other piece of writing, you must be bored reading ‘I’ve been dreaming to study abroad’. Call me nerd, study geek, or whatever, but I love to immerse myself in books, essay writing, and public lecture. I really wish to go to Australia for my study. I am fortunate to have supportive parents. Years ago, when I was busy preparing my undergraduate studies, my parents didn’t allow me to take universities outside this city. Even, I wasn’t allowed to take supplementary learning such as university entrance-exam preparation because I was taking Social Science department and they thought it’s enough for me to do self-study. Now, thank God, they truly support me. My mom frequently asks me how far I’ve been preparing the admission. My dad, the one that worries me a lot, finally trusts and supports my decision and I can’t be happier. I should say, this year will be the year of trying. I will try my best and lower my expectation.
Anyway, I spent two days, helping my friends to finish their paper. Most of our study session, as usual, consist of countless gossips or random wisdom of life, mostly about marriage. What? But, really, when everyone asks me about the concept of marriage…dude, I will sleep on it. My friends have their own ideal concept of marriage, even how they will divide their household share. The talk of marriage has never been cup of my tea. However, this talk will be more common if you hit twentysomething age, and you have to get by after graduating. Sometimes, being adult scares me. Freedom of choosing your path of life is like a two-edge sword, it will either kill or help you. Knowing that your parents will be off the hook gradually means you have to afford yourself, even from the scratch.
Dealing with my phone is really frustating. Spending two days to make sure my battery is charging, but it’s futile.
I call it a day.
I finished taking my test yesterday morning and it was awful. I messed one of the sections. The only thing that bothers me now if I don’t get the expected score so I have to take another test which means much money and time are required.
Anyway, it has been a year without regular debating practices on Saturday. I miss that a lot. I miss preparing myself to go to UN-Tel every Satuday at 10.00 am. Our practice consists of 60% joking instead of real practising. We force our practice more whenever competition deadlines come near. That’s what makes our bond stronger. We have to support our club both ‘financially’ and ‘mentally’. But, that what makes us us. We grow stronger. I learn to make initiative for people surrounding me. I learn how to make reservation both for travel and accomodation. I learn how to negotiate with stakeholders. That’s the small thing, but matters, I get from debate beside public speaking skill, more organized writing, and widened range of reading. Being involved in a community that shares the same goal like you is always the best to fuel oneself.
Today, we phoned my long-distance, younger brother. He rarely phones us though due to his hectic studying schedule. My grandma (from mom’s side) is sick. She has a heart problem. Indeed, she is 82 y.o. now. I wish her recovery.
Anyway, I made changes here. I changed the theme, uploaded a new header, and put a new logo. I use the photo as my header to remind me. Blogging or writing is always like home. Wherever I am. Whether I stay or wander. I always love clear, sunny sky.
I can’t use my phone for a while as ‘it’ happened again. I can’t charge my phone battery and it sucks.
Yesterday, I met Kak Aam and Revy and had a nice chit-chat about scholarship hunting. It’s so nice having a circle that shares the same goal as yours. Kak Aam and I are pursuing our Master scholarships while Revi is pursing her undergraduate ones. Of course, we really wish to pull it off.
Now, a lot of questions embrace me.
Will I be ready?
Will I be ready to submit all the applicantions, prepare the appropriate answers regarding to my study plan?
Will I be ready if I fail? Will I raise from my failure if those undesired things take place?
Will I be ready if I get accepted? Will I get accustomed to the study culture, new living environment, and new people?
Will I contribute to my country development or is it just for my ego, prestige, and selfishness?
Have I made myself better to myself and other people?
So, I decide to put these things off.
Continue reading “Questions to ask myself”